Day 17 and (mini) non scale victories :)

Well, the scale has become frustrating. I am still down probably 4-5 lbs, but it keeps fluctuating. I know I just need to step away from the scale and only weigh myself once every week or two, but I just can't help it.

But! I have noticed a few other little things.

1. I have lost at least an inch off of my hips and waist. I checked it with the tape measure and it's going down. :) I have noticed my pants fit just a little bit better. I can get my old 18's on- they are very, very tight, but they can come on! And, one of my favorite light, summer-y blouses fits better. It is supposed to be loose and flow-y, but it used to be taught around my hips. I noticed when I wore it today, it was just the slightest bit more comfortable and had a bit more wiggle room.

2. I feel just a tiny bit stronger. I notice when I stand up or go up the stairs, my legs feel a bit stronger. It's almost like I have a bit extra spring in my step. Maybe I am just pushing myself a little bit harder, but the workouts seem to be just a tad easier as well. I think I can do a few more reps and do slightly better form.

3. I don't really get the debilitating sugar cravings I used to. I get slightly hungry, but I don't feel as though I'm going to die without sugary foods. It's easier to walk by the pastries at the grocery store and just drive past the fast food placed.

What I Hate About Being Fat

As I've been coming to realization of how much I need to change my habits, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what I want to be different.  It's a lot of work carrying around an extra 70-80 pounds. And honestly, I can't believe I am sharing some of this, but I don't feel like I can move forward in a positive way unless I acknowledge it. So here goes nothing.

1. Having my knees, back and joints pop constantly. Literally every time I walk, get out of bed, or sit in a position for too long, they pop.

2. Being winded. It’s embarrassing how often I am out of breath. It feels like more often than not. Even just laying in bed, I need to breathe through my mouth. I sometimes try to hide it by walking away or making background sounds (like running the dryer or faucet). I mean, seriously, who does that?

3. Feeling hungry pretty much all of the time and sugar cravings. Even after eating a large meal, 20 minutes later, I crave something sweet. It's a never-ending battle.

4. Having rolls. It’s so disgusting. My back under my bra. My arms. My hips are the worst. I am uncomfortable. All. The. Time.

5. Being uncoordinated. See #3. But not just due to poorly fit, despite the spandex, clothes. Everything jiggles around. I feel like I am always stomping. Even walking I feel self conscious about. I perpetually feel like Godzilla tumbling through narrow streets. I am terrified to go into store aisles with lots of glass.

6. Feeling a twinge of pain every time I walk by my reflection.

7. Feeling the need to cover myself up constantly while having a wardrobe full of clothes and only about 10-20% fit. I have so many sizes from fluctuating up and down over the years. And, I'm back in my biggest sizes.  I utterly hate shopping in the plus size section at the store. Even the cutest clothes feel frumpy and unflattering.

8. Acne. I am constantly breaking out it seems. I suppose it could be due to my moisturizer or makeup, but I am 99% confident it is my diet and lifestyle.

9. Chairs are my natural enemy. I always get a sinking feeling when I go to a movie theater, restaurant, or work training for the first time. I never know if the arms of the chair are going to cut into my sides for the next 2, 4 or 8 hours. Folding chairs and bar stools make me wonder if they are even able to support me. Having a chair collapse under me in a crowded room is one of my greatest fears.

10. My long-term health. This is probably the biggest one for me. I don't want to have to wonder if I am slowly killing myself by poor choices. I shouldn't have to worry about developing early-onset diabetes, a heart attack at the age of 30, or who knows what else.

Gettin' Healthy!

So I am back at my highest weight again. Stress, a desk job, poor eating habits and little-to-no exercise has taken its toll. I am turning the big 3-0 in about 4 months and I want to be healthier when I get there. I am tired of being uncomfortable, grumpy, and fatigued all the time.

Recently, through a program at work, I did Weight Watchers. And, I know it works for a lot of people, but it just simply did not work for me.  I tried it for about 5-6 months and I probably lost 5ish pounds and just felt like I was being punished all of the time. I can't explain it. I like the accountability of the weigh-in, but the points system itself wasn't effective for me. I sort of gave it up because I just was not seeing positive results and went into a sort of binge-eating depression. Not something I'm terribly proud of, but I've been developing some pretty terrible eating habits in the process. Latte in the morning, perhaps a chocolate croissant, cheeseburger or a burrito for lunch and pizza or some, equally awful processed food for dinner. Throw in some diet sodas and periodic snacks of candy bars or chips and it was a ticking time bomb for disaster. I know what my issue is. Sugar. It always has been and I am sure it is something I will probably always struggle with. I'm coming to terms with that.

On Saturday, I got sucked into an infomercial (I know, I know…) and, after doing some research, I took a plunge and ordered the 21 Day Fix program from BeachBody and am very excited!

I don’t like the name of the program; I’m not looking for a ‘quick fix’, but I really like the premise of the whole thing. Portion control, forcing myself to eat fruits/veggies, eating clean, short(ish) 30 minute workouts, and prepping/planning meals. And, I can do anything for 21 days. Even if I take a week ‘off’ between rounds, I am very optimistic this will be a good fit for me. Over the years, I have fluctuated a lot. I have tried a lot of programs and I know what works for me: lower carbs, more fresh foods, and planning, planning, planning. I think this will give me all of those great things.

Mini Goals:
* First 21-day round: lose 10 lbs. (I know that seems like a lot, but I know it will mostly be water weight.) By mid-June
* Second round: lose 6 lbs. By mid-July
* Lose a total of 40 lbs by my birthday
* Lose a total of 65 lbs by the end of the year

Goals:
* Lose a grand total of 75 lbs
* Wear a size 8
* Lose 10″ off my hips and waist
* Have healthy, glowing skin :)
* Have energy
* Walk/jog a mile in under 12 minutes
* Embrace a healthy diet: Eat clean and healthy 90% of the time, treats 10% of the time (right now, it’s probably the other way around…)

I have done a lot of damage to my body, I am sure, and I have a long way to go. I would like to keep this blog going as a way to hold my self accountable, share ideas, and hopefully one day inspire other people that if I can get healthy, they can too.